For me to be alone. I don't mean all alone, because I'm constantly in other people's company, but i still just ultimately feel alone-- that there is no longer someone who loves me, who is excited to see me, and to hear about my thoughts. I shared my thoughts, and bared my soul with someone but as usual I'm unwanted. Always unwanted. Never all of me, just a part.
If i just could be.. or wouldn't be..
It has been a reoccurring thing for me, to never be fully wanted or loved. Each man only loved a part of who I am and abhorred another.
You know what does the most damage? The imagination. The intimacies of imagining your life with someone and the harsh, cold reality that that can never be.
That i must murder my dreams, accept that I will spend another night alone and wake up another day with the frozen reality of my life.